Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Pray Pray Prey

You can pray to God
but he won't listen
because religion is nothing but a comforting fiction
put your money in the plate and pass it
separation between church and taxes
cling to comfort and resist change
the age of man is only a phase
beg for justice and get religion
death is the only given 
we kill our brothers and cage the others
solicit women on magazine covers
our sick minds are pornografied
we waste our lives in pursuit of lies

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Pasadena

It's a small town outside of Houston, Texas
The highway there is lined with chemical companies
and the stench of smog and industrial waste fills the air
I distinctly remember the big white drums and pluming smoke stacks
the many dark nights being driven or even fueled
by the excess of their human condition
I was just a child trying to sleep
awoken by bangs and screams of punishment
if violence was beautiful then she had no equal
absorbing punishment like a rag on an oil spill
later used to wipe the dirt off my cheek
so I slept through bloodshed a time or two
in it even if you checked the other side of my mattress
but I still count myself lucky
to having seen the rape of my own flesh
because innocence is a suckers game
and my eyes are wide open watching 
 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Can A Dream Change Your Life?

The following is a dream I had last night, after waking I couldn't help but feel my outlook on myself and life had changed.

It starts in a townhouse I lived in during middle school in Houston, Texas. I'm there all alone in my living room when one of my neighbors (who wasn't really a neighbor of mine when I lived there), a black man, knocks on my door and drops off the mail I received while I've been away. The mail consists of two packages. The first package I open is full of CD's that I've owned throughout my life but do not possess currently. It's mostly burned Cds with art I had drawn on them, and at least one of which that was not mine. The next package I open is full of pictures of me when I was young. The only ones I vividly remember are of me and an uncle of mine with his wife. Except the woman he is with wasn't really his life and the events in the pictures never really happened. The pictures were of the 3 of us laying on the floor looking at each other. Before the end of that part of the dream a girl comes into my house through the back door. I don't
actually recognize her, but she has the feel of an old girlfriend. We leave the house and walk outside and we're no longer outside my home, we're now walking along the sandy bank of a river. While talking with her I stop suddenly and take hand fulls of sand and have a revelation. I remember apologizing to her, and telling her that I was a self-righteous asshole. I remember feeling like I meant it on a broader sense though. I wasn't saying I had just been a self righteous asshole to her, that I had just realized I had been one to everyone. I sit in front of her in the sand crying for a while and that's how that section of the dream ends.

In the next part of my dream I'm in a truck and I'm a child again, with my mom, and she looks young
and beautiful, as she once was. She is the passenger and I am in the back while Willie, the man she was with for 10 years is driving. He's all doped up on pain killers though because of a foot injury he sustained (in reality). Now it's back to the town house in Houston. My mom is sewing my work pants, and she's sowing words to the inside of them. I don't actually read what they say but I know it's some kind of life lesson. Then I'm outside my home talking to someone that's too vague to remember. He gives me a pair of pants to try on, but they are far too big, I remember saying something like, "these pants are for someone like 7 feet tall", and he says, "no they are not". The next pair of pants I try on are my own and older pair that I haven't worn in a while. They are worn and have holes in them, but it a somewhat stylish way. The man goes on to tell me I should be an actor. When I awoke from this dream I couldn't help but feel it was the most important dream I had ever had. I can be a bit of a self righteous asshole to people. There is very little love in my life. I'd like to think the two are unrelated but that's unlikely. I generally feel very distance to the general population. I look down on them from the pedistal I hold myself on.

I may have done a poor job explaining exactly how this dream affected me, but I came to work today and tried to be as kind as I could to people I'm normally somewhat rude to. I hope I can maintain this feeling, the self righteous asshole bit is all a defensive mechanism anyway. Thanks dream for telling me what I couldn't see myself.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Dream Smay Come True

I awake to heartache from dreams I can't quiet remember
like gum to a shoe the feeling sticks
I reach inside myself to pry it loose
my arm chest deep down my throat
deeper and deeper I go
until I feel it
and it's hardened like my spirit
and I pull like a fool
not knowing the consequences
but it just hurts
to want to see you so much
and feel like this every time I do

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Where Did The Silence Go

Why do we behave this way
we stay enslaved to the day to day
deep down we want to break away
from this heard mentality
this life of fallacy
the phallic fantasy
where men dominate over dick size
and use women to accessorize 
are we this weak by design
I just smoke weed and try not to cry
at the futility of doing this again and again
these people are my friends
on hamster wheels

The illusion we live in
the lies we tell
to ourselves and anyone listening
the crimes committed
every god damn minute 
are the result of what?

If not at least by our own design
the lives we live are clear fucking sign
of failure
and it's embarrassing
to share your feelings
when no one's listening

Monday, October 1, 2012

American Legacy

In the distance there's the glow of fire
and the sounds of men approaching
if you panic for a moment
it's you that they'll be toasting

Symphonies of soldiers sing
the triumph of their soldiering
while blood trickles slowly
down the streets they're patrolling

From infancy to infantry
we're bred to kill the enemy
regardless of the penalty
the world is white supremacy 

The Falcons of Murder

This isn't war this is experimental death we're just animals fighting for what's left we feign intelligence and embellish ir...