The following is a dream I had last night, after waking I couldn't help but feel my outlook on myself and life had changed.
It starts in a townhouse I lived in during middle school in Houston, Texas. I'm there all alone in my living room when one of my neighbors (who wasn't really a neighbor of mine when I lived there), a black man, knocks on my door and drops off the mail I received while I've been away. The mail consists of two packages. The first package I open is full of CD's that I've owned throughout my life but do not possess currently. It's mostly burned Cds with art I had drawn on them, and at least one of which that was not mine. The next package I open is full of pictures of me when I was young. The only ones I vividly remember are of me and an uncle of mine with his wife. Except the woman he is with wasn't really his life and the events in the pictures never really happened. The pictures were of the 3 of us laying on the floor looking at each other. Before the end of that part of the dream a girl comes into my house through the back door. I don't
actually recognize her, but she has the feel of an old girlfriend. We leave the house and walk outside and we're no longer outside my home, we're now walking along the sandy bank of a river. While talking with her I stop suddenly and take hand fulls of sand and have a revelation. I remember apologizing to her, and telling her that I was a self-righteous asshole. I remember feeling like I meant it on a broader sense though. I wasn't saying I had just been a self righteous asshole to her, that I had just realized I had been one to everyone. I sit in front of her in the sand crying for a while and that's how that section of the dream ends.
In the next part of my dream I'm in a truck and I'm a child again, with my mom, and she looks young
and beautiful, as she once was. She is the passenger and I am in the back while Willie, the man she was with for 10 years is driving. He's all doped up on pain killers though because of a foot injury he sustained (in reality). Now it's back to the town house in Houston. My mom is sewing my work pants, and she's sowing words to the inside of them. I don't actually read what they say but I know it's some kind of life lesson. Then I'm outside my home talking to someone that's too vague to remember. He gives me a pair of pants to try on, but they are far too big, I remember saying something like, "these pants are for someone like 7 feet tall", and he says, "no they are not". The next pair of pants I try on are my own and older pair that I haven't worn in a while. They are worn and have holes in them, but it a somewhat stylish way. The man goes on to tell me I should be an actor. When I awoke from this dream I couldn't help but feel it was the most important dream I had ever had. I can be a bit of a self righteous asshole to people. There is very little love in my life. I'd like to think the two are unrelated but that's unlikely. I generally feel very distance to the general population. I look down on them from the pedistal I hold myself on.
I may have done a poor job explaining exactly how this dream affected me, but I came to work today and tried to be as kind as I could to people I'm normally somewhat rude to. I hope I can maintain this feeling, the self righteous asshole bit is all a defensive mechanism anyway. Thanks dream for telling me what I couldn't see myself.
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